The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.

Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.

If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again.

Keep repeating this until she answers.

Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.

The man goes home and tries it out.

He walks in the door and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.

“Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no answer.

He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!”

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room, “Why are you down here at this time of night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee and says, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes I do,” she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued… “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?’”

“I remember that too,” she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said…”I would have gotten out today.”

But as the rain fell harder and the darkness grew thicker, Joe soon realized he had no idea where he was. Somehow, he ended up wandering through the cemetery, slipping in the mud and puddles. Before he knew it, he found himself tumbling headfirst into a freshly dug grave. The slippery dirt and rain made it impossible to climb out.

“Help!” Joe shouted, his voice barely audible over the storm. “I’m so cold!”

Not long after, another tipsy soul emerged from the same bar. He was just as lost, a little disoriented, but when he heard Joe’s cries, he stumbled toward the voice.

“Help! I’m freezing!” Joe’s voice echoed through the cemetery, growing more desperate.

The second man followed the sound of Joe’s voice and soon found the grave. Looking down at Joe, he blinked through the rain and then grinned, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well, no wonder you’re cold,” the man slurred, “You kicked off all your dirt!”

After a wild party, two friends decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery on their way home, hoping the eerie atmosphere would add to the fun. As they walked deeper into the misty cemetery, they heard a strange tap-tap-tap echoing from the shadows.

Their hearts raced as they saw an old man, hunched over, chiseling away at one of the gravestones.

“Geez, you scared us half to death!” one of them gasped. “What are you doing here in the dead of night?”

The old man muttered to himself, clearly irritated. “Those idiots,” he grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

A woman brought her young son to visit their family’s graves in the cemetery. The boy, wide-eyed and curious, was taking in everything as they approached his great-grandmother’s gravestone. Beneath her name were the initials R.I.P.

“Mom, what does R.I.P. stand for?” the boy asked.

“Rest in Peace,” the mother replied gently. “It’s a wish for Grandma Annie to be at peace now that she’s in the afterlife.”

They continued walking until they came to the gravestone of the woman’s uncle Joe. The boy looked at the letters etched underneath his name and then turned to his mom with a puzzled expression.

“Mom, what does R.I.H. stand for?” he asked, pointing to the initials.

Without missing a beat, the mother replied, “Oh, that one stands for ‘Really Irrelevant Here.’ We didn’t like Uncle Joe much.”

Sometimes the weirdest things happen in cemeteries, don’t they?

One day, a farmer turned to his wife and said, “You’re so lazy! You work so slowly and lethargically. You’re just wasting time!”

The wife, not one to take criticism lying down, was fuming. She shot back, “Oh really? Well, tomorrow I’m going to do your work in the field, and you’re going to do all my chores here at home. Think you can handle it?”

The farmer, clearly not expecting such a challenge, grinned from ear to ear. “Deal!” he said, already picturing himself lounging on the porch with a glass of lemonade.

So the next day, they swapped roles.

The wife marched off to the field, ready to get her hands dirty with the farming chores. Meanwhile, the farmer, puffed up with confidence, stayed home. “How hard can it be?” he thought. “I’ll be done with this in no time!”

He started with the first task: milking the cow. Now, most farmers have a little trick when milking, but this farmer? He didn’t even get a chance to try his technique before the cow gave him a good, solid kick to the chest! “Ouch!” he yelled, staggering backward. He was not off to a great start.

Next up? Feeding the pigs. Simple, right? Wrong! The farmer got to the pigsty, tripped over a bucket, and hit his head on a beam. “I should’ve worn a helmet!” he muttered, rubbing his bruised noggin.

He moved on to the hen. “Alright, let’s not mess this up,” he thought. He grabbed the feed, approached the hen… and promptly stepped on its foot. The hen let out a loud squawk, and the farmer jumped back, flinging the feed everywhere. He stared at the mess and muttered, “How do people do this every day?!”

Finally, it was time to spin the yarn. The farmer scratched his head. “Spin the yarn? What does that even mean?” He grabbed the spinning wheel, but it immediately got tangled, and the yarn turned into a chaotic mess that looked more like a spider’s web than anything useful.

As evening approached, the wife returned from the field, sweaty but proud of her work. She looked around the house and saw… a disaster! The cow was still standing, very much unmilked, the pigs were playing in their own food, and the hen was definitely not impressed. The yarn? Let’s just say it was a pile of knots that even a spider wouldn’t claim.

The farmer stood there, hanging his head in shame. “Alright, alright. I get it. You do way more than I thought. No more complaints from me.”

The wife smiled, hands on her hips, and said, “See? I told you!”

From that day on, the farmer learned to appreciate his wife’s hard work, and they lived happily ever after—though he never dared to call her lazy again!

They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings.

Since it’s the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver.

The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really?

That’s wonderful… Well, I’m happy to hear you’re having such a great time… Oh, that sounds terrific… Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye.”

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she replies, “That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

The wife replies, “No, I’ll live with my sister.”

Then the wife asks, “Will you marry again after I di:e?”

The husband responds, “No, I’ll also live with your sister.”

This playful exchange shows how humor can bring lightness to even serious topics. The couple’s banter reflects their deep bond and shared understanding, wrapped in love and laughter.

The bride sighed and began, “Oh, mother, the honeymoon was wonderful! It was so romantic, and we had a terrific time. But on our way back, Andy started using really horrible language. Stuff I’d never heard before—terrible four-letter words. You’ve got to come get me and take me home. Please, Mother!” she sobbed over the phone.

Her mother, concerned, asked, “But honey, what four-letter words are you talking about?” The bride hesitated, crying, “I can’t tell you, mother, they’re too awful! Just come get me, please!”

You see, I’m sterile. Not the kind of thing you bring up on a first date, right? I kept it a secret from my first girlfriend for as long as I could, terrified that if she found out, she’d leave me. After all, who wants to date someone who can’t have kids? Turns out, my fear wasn’t unfounded. When I finally worked up the courage to tell her, she left me. Boom—heartbroken, depressed, and spending the next year questioning my worth.

And so, my relationships after that? Well, let’s just say they didn’t lead anywhere either. The fear of rejection kept me from being fully honest, and I kept living in this cycle of doubt and disappointment. I started thinking, “Maybe I’m just not cut out for love.”

Then, about six months ago, I met someone new. She was amazing—funny, kind, and way out of my league (I’ll admit it). I fell head over heels in love with her, but there was that same old fear holding me back. “What if she leaves me too? What if she can’t see past this? I can’t go through this again…” But this time, something was different. I knew I had to be open with her—if I didn’t, I’d never know what could happen.

So, I did it. I told her everything. I waited for her reaction, heart pounding in my chest. And you know what she said? “That’s okay, we can always adopt in the future.”

Wait. What? That’s it? There was no dramatic exit, no angry words, no “I’m outta here.” Just understanding. And I—being the emotional mess I am—started crying. Not from sadness, but from relief. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. In that moment, I knew she was the one. I didn’t just want to be with her, I wanted to marry her.

Moral of the Story: Sometimes, the things we fear the most turn out to be much smaller obstacles than we imagined. We’re often scared of rejection, but true love isn’t about perfection—it’s about acceptance. Being honest might feel terrifying, but it could lead to something far better than you ever expected. So, take a leap of faith and be yourself—because sometimes, the right person is waiting for you to just be real.

4th Place:

While in line at the bank one afternoon my toddler decided to release some pent up energy and started to run amok. I was able to grab hold of her arm after receiving looks of disgust from other patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening. “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell grandma that I saw you kissing daddy’s willy last night.”

After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped doing what they were doing.

I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were screams of laughter.

3rd Place:

It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.

As we lay down in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a pigggy back ride down to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss a call we didn’t have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled SURPRISE.

My entire family – Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed an eternity. Since then no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place:

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got to the checkout she learned that one of the items had no price tag or bar code.

The checkout girl got on the public address system which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear. “Price check for Tampax super size.”

But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word ‘Tampax’ for ‘thumbtacks’ and replied in a businesslike tone, his voice booming over the same public address system. “Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or the kind that you belt in with a hammer.”

1st Place:

And the winner is……

This happened at a major Australian University during a biology lecture.

A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked. “If I understand you correctly, you are saying that there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?”

The professor responded yes adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again the girl asked. “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”

After a stunned silence the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books and without
another word walked out of the class.

However as she was heading for the door the professors reply was a classic….

Totally straight faced, he answered her question. “It doesn’t taste sweet because the tastebuds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not at the back of your throat.” lol
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Credit Goes To The Respective Owner

Before Travis left for the party, Micaela wrote a cheeky message on his chest with a marker, complete with a sly warning to potential admirers: “This is my husband—touch him, and you’ll pay—M.” Travis laughed off the joke, promising to be home early despite his tendency to enjoy a few too many drinks.

However, later that evening, Micaela noticed something peculiar when Travis returned home. Beneath her original message, someone had scrawled a cryptic response: “Keep the change.” The words sent a shiver down Micaela’s spine, filling her with a growing sense of unease.

Travis brushed off her concerns, attributing the mysterious message to the playful antics of his friends at the party. But Micaela couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. She found herself replaying the events of the evening, wondering who could have written that ominous phrase and why.

As the days passed, Micaela’s suspicions continued to grow. She confided in her mother, who suggested a drastic measure: tracking Travis’s car using a GPS device. Micaela was hesitant at first, but her mother’s words echoed in her mind: “Don’t you want to know the truth?”

With a sense of trepidation, Micaela followed Travis’s car one evening, watching as he pulled into a driveway in an upscale neighborhood. Her heart racing, she observed as Travis conversed with a woman at the door, their conversation hushed and intimate.

Micaela’s world was turned upside down as she confronted Travis and the mysterious woman. But instead of the defensive response she expected, the woman offered a shocking statement: “You deserve better than this.”

In that moment, Micaela’s life changed forever. The revelation of Travis’s infidelity marked the end of their marriage, but it also signified a new beginning for Micaela. As she walked away from the wreckage of her relationship, she felt a spark of freedom and a newfound sense of strength.

The road to recovery was long and arduous, but Micaela emerged stronger and more resilient than ever before. She rediscovered her passions, reconnected with loved ones, and slowly rebuilt her life. In the end, Micaela realized that sometimes, it’s necessary to let go of something precious to discover something even more valuable: oneself.